Parents and Computer

I never thought that getting my parents to learn to use a pc is a tough task, until last week when I was teaching my parents how to use a computer, after setting up the pc in my dad's company.

Me:" Ma, you press this button to power-on the computer."
Mother:"OK."

Me:" Then you double click the icon here to connect to Internet."
Mother:" How to double click?"

Me:" You point your mouse to the icon here then click two times."
Mother:" How? Where's the mouse (pointer)?"

Problem 1: My mum has presbyopia problem, she can't locate the mouse pointer...



So I set the mouse pointer to extra large.

Mother:" Ok, I can see the pointer."
Me:" So you click two times on the icon."
Mother:" Cannot one?"
Me:" You have to put the pointer on top of the icon then only double click."
Mother:" Still cannot one, the mouse always run away one?"

Problem 2: It's not easy for old folks to control the mouse (even with a very slow pointer speed), their fingers response is not fast enough to produce double-click-action either.

Me:" Never mind lar, you move the pointer on top of the icon, click once, then press enter."



Problem 2 solved.

Me:" Nah, now you can type in the website address here to go the website you want to see."
Mother:" How come there's only half a picture here?"
Me:" You have to scroll down to the lower part of the page to read mah."
Mother:" Har? How to scroll."
Me:" Use the middle wheel button of the mouse lor, you move the wheel forward will move the page to upper part, then move the wheel backward or towards you will move the page to lower part lor.
Mother:" Oh like that lar. Then after read I want to go back to just now that part (previous page) how ar?"




Problem 3: Things we got so used to like scrolling the page, click on links, go back, go to home, use Google... etc. Things that are so embedded into our lives are like alien to them.

Me:" You click this button to go back to the previous page, then if you move your pointer to here, you can see the pointer becomes a hand with finger pointed out, it means you can click here to go inside and see another page, then you do this... that... "

Mother:" Sei lor, I forgot how to start again..."

Problem 4: After you teach them a lot, they will forgot how to start again.

So I print screen and put the images inside a word document, circled and pointed out the icon and critical areas, write down all the instructions and steps to start, operate, how to write email and etc.




Me:" Next time if you forget the steps, you can open this file to read back the instructions."
Mother:" Ok... how come this one different one? How to use this one? How do I go back to just now? "

Problem 5: When you try to introduce another way to help them, it creates more problems.

After my mum's section, I showed my dad the web page I have created for the company.

Me:" Ah Ba, this is the web page of our office."
Father:" Need money or not?!?"
Me:" No need. I have also put in our company profile and contact inside these B2B website to introduce our company."
Father:" Need money or not?!?"
Me:" No need, they will tell us straight away if we need to pay."
Father:" Sure or not? Later only they charge us how?!? Are you really sure no need to pay!?!"
Me:" No neeeeed..."
Father:" ... sure or not!?"
Me:"..."

Problem 6: They always worry how much they need to pay for free.

After all these, I think I can start a business in Ipoh...

PS: I'm still proud of my parents, they have already started using outsource model for their business 30 years ago while the MNCs in Penang starting to talk about out-sourcing today. A success of a business is not judged by using a computer, but the people who manage it.

Why Men Always Bullied By Women

When we were little boys...

We play guns.

Hide and seek.


When we were teenagers...

We play sports.


Video games.



When we were young adults, while playing with our "guns" we started to tackle girls.




But it was until we grown up become a man, only we started to seriously talk about girls.



After being bullied.

When they were little girls...




When they were teenagers...




When they were young adults...




When they grown up...




When they were old...



They gather together... doing what?

TALK About Guys lor!

This is like Malaysia army fight with US army, we are 30 years behind their technology.

How to fight?

Horniday

I never understood why people like to go clubbing. It is so crowded that you literally have no place to sit or stand. The music is so loud that you have to shout to your friend instead of talk. The drink you order can easily cost ten times higher than Tesco.




And yet, there are still whole lot of people queuing outside the club trying to pay and go inside!

But it was until my good bad-friend Ah Sin enlightened me to the maximum when he brought me to clubbing in Poppy (one of their usual favourite have-fun spot) during my horniday holiday visit to KL last week.

I realised why the music has to be so loud and strong. Because when you leaned near to the ear of the girls try shouting to them, you can smell their hair and guess what is the shampoo they are using. But more importantly, you can have a close-up view of their cleavage while nodding your head to talk to them.




I realised why people are trying to go in even though the place is so crowded. Because when the place was so congested, you have to hold the hands and waist of the girl, dragged them towards you and protect them when you want to look at their cleavage talk to them.

I realised why people don't sit inside there. Because you want to stand up and dance in the music, you stand up so that you can have a clear view on the people dancing on the stage. But more importantly, it's very hard to prevent up-skirt when you sit down with mini-skirt.




I also realised why ladies try not to wear so many clothes while clubbing. Because it's so damn hot and people are sweating inside there. The guys were busy rubbing their hands on the body of the girls thoroughly to help drying up their sweat.

Then I realised sometimes things are not used in the way they meant to be. You can't put your beer on the table when someone is dancing on it. You went in to the gents but suddenly doubted whether you were in the correct place because the person shouting inside there doesn't sounds like a man. You realised your wallet have to contain something start with 'c' other than your money and IC.

I realised life is good again.

Pointless

What's the fxxking point of having this sign here while we can only move in the speed of 2in./min?

Mengecomplicatedkan

I have just gone through some of my patents recently and I find that all the patent attorneys like to write stuff in a very complicating way.

Here's some of the examples:

Eg 1:

"The switch panel of claim 1 wherein said light converter comprises a light collector that collects a portion of said light generated on said third surface and couples said collected portion to said light analyzer."

Eg 2:

"The method of claim 17 wherein said capturing said color image includes capturing said color image of said scene of interest using an exposure period that is longer than an exposure period used to capture said grayscale image."

Eg 3:

"The method of claim 14 wherein each of said photodiodes generates a dark current in the absence of light being received by said photodiodes and wherein said first and second output signals depend less on said dark current than said first and second photodiode output signals."

They make me feel like this when I read them.

So, in-order to understand what he's trying to say, I strike out the "wherein"s and "said"s.


Eg 1:

"The switch panel of claim 1 wherein said light converter comprises a light collector that collects a portion of said light generated on said third surface and couples said collected portion to said light analyzer.

Eg 2:

"The method of claim 17 wherein said capturing said color image includes capturing said color image of said scene of interest using an exposure period that is longer than an exposure period used to capture said grayscale image."

This make me feel like this.

But for this one, after striking out all the "wherein" and "said", I still can't understand what he's trying to say.

Eg 3:

"The method of claim 14 wherein each of said photodiodes generates a dark current in the absence of light being received by said photodiodes and wherein said first and second output signals depend less on said dark current than said first and second photodiode output signals."

This is so mengecomplicatedkan...

Coffee like...

I enjoy drinking coffee. In fact, I'm addicted to coffee, I used to drink a cup of coffee every morning, and then occasionally another cup in the afternoon or night. Once without it, I'll feel headache, then dizzy, then dying...

Out of all the types of coffee I have tried, Old Town is still my personal favourite.

It's strong enough to clear my headache, the taste is unique, no other type of coffee can fight against it.

But sometimes when the price of Old Town 3-in-1 shoot up or no promotion. I will take Nescafe as alternative.


I might have to double the dosage as Nescafe is milder compare to Old Town.

I buy those expensive high class coffee once in a blue moon.


But I insist not to drink those cheap-ba-lak SUPER coffee, even though they are cheap. It tasted like bitter curd.


And I ban Starbucks as well. For me, coffee is coffee, why you want to put whipped cream, vanilla, chocolate powder, chocolate chips and even banana flavour to it?



This doesn't look like coffee any more.

Same goes to Coffee Bean.


But there's one brand of coffee I'm really curious about...



I wonder how it tastes like......

I Have Sin...

I want to confess, in fact I need to confess. I have done something so wrong. But I have no choice but to do it.

It was a usual, calm, bored and unproductive Saturday night. I was reading my 'as usual boring' John Grisham novel when you came in, out of nowhere to my house, secretly executing your mission.

I am aware with your existence for a long time. Nevertheless, I gave you your chances, hoping that one day you will realise how merciful I am and go away, stay away from my life. But you have never appreciated all the chances that have been given to you.

You let me no choice but to kill you! Kill you with a 100-degree Celcius of hot boiling water. It was so good to see you struggling, struggling with all your strength and last breathe. But it was useless, nobody can survive with that kind of temperature.

Rest in peace, go tell your buddies in their dream to stay away from me. It will not be hot water if I see one of your kind next time.

Good bye, you stupid rat. If you cannot jump out from a pail, don't jump into it. Dumb rat!

Not Happy? Go Home!

We have provided 2 million of job opportunities (legally and illegally) to you so far. If they are paid averagely $500 per month, that will be $500 x 2M x 12mths = $120 BILLION per year . That haven't include all the crimes your people have convicted here.

Then, you want to have a day off every week.



And you are still not satisfy, you want us to increase your salary, way higher than the salary of our own people.

Now, you form a so called KAM 'society' with the objective to 'clean up' us, threaten the lives of our people in your country, including the tourists and university students that contribute money to you!

Come on, if you are really so tulan with us, show some guts, ask your people to leave, don't come to earn our money.

Go home!

My New Laptop!

This is my new laptop. The Dell Inspiron 13.

Powered by a Core2 Duo 2.1GHz processor, 2GB of RAMs, a spacious 320GB hard disk, 13.3' LCD screen. Built-in with 1.3M pixel webcam (not important, I don't do camwhoring), multi-format card reader (good, I can finally plug-in my stupid Sony Ericsson memory card), eSATA/1394 connector (what's that?), HDMI v1.3 output (not important, I don't have LCD TV).

The thing I like about this laptop is its keyboard. It comes with spacious keys, it's so nice to type with it.




And it is thin, so thin that it's even thinner than a book!

See? Thinner than my MATLAB book!

And its light weight, so light that it's lighter than a bag of rice!




I bought it from House of Notebooks in QBM. By paying the same price, they gave me a bunch of free gifts, a Dell sling bag, and more importantly an external DVD-RW optical drive! This laptop has built in almost everything except for the optical drive.





But if I were to buy from Dell directly, I will get absolutely NOTHING! No free gifts, no free bag and of course, NOOO free drive!

And you have to wait for AT LEAST one week before you can get your laptop.

FELL DELL, like that I can only support you indirectly liao...

I think I should do something...

I log on to Facebook almost everyday, not to play all those Farm games

like what Miss Koh has been doing every weekend after she woke up at 12pm until 2am midnight. But just to check out how my friends have been doing. I was so surprised recently when I start to see some of my friends putting their wedding photos in Facebook.

Chang Quan - Friend of mine since primary school, knew him for more than 10 years.

Then,

Ng Chin Wun - A friend since secondary school.

Then, a few of my course mates.

Viddy - A course mate whom I didn't really talk to her a lot in 5 years of college. I deserved not going to their wedding dinner.


Su Yan & Han Sing - Invited me to go but I forgot... too bad...

Then recently.

Le Jie - A guy which I have known him about 9 years ago after Form 5, got married recently.

Looks like everybody start getting married, it makes me feel that I should start doing something...

But most importantly, after seeing all these photos, I feel so...... so...... so....

RELIEF!

Because they didn't invite me to their dinner! Muahaha! Save ang pau $$!

So it's time to start reducing the frequency of logging onto Facebook to reduce the probability of getting invitation for wedding dinner.

What? You thought I'm getting married ar?

You Know You Are In Penang Long Enough When...

Ms. Koh 2 inspired me to write this post after reading her post 'You know you are in Japan long enough when...'

So, you know you're in Penang long enough when...

1) You slow down your car when the traffic light is green to let pass the motorcyclist from other side of the road.

2) You run into traffic jam when there's accident happens on the other side of the road.

3) You start to put flower pots, DIY-cement block in front your house to prevent people park their cars there.

4) You order food with Hokkien in Ipoh or KL.

5) You pay parking fee from morning till night and even on Sunday.

6) You say it's big, cheap and worthy when you see double storey linked house with the size of '20ft x 64ft' selling at the price of RM400k and above.

7) You say 'Jialat lor' instead of 'Diu lor' when shit happens.

8) You start scratching people's car when their cars block your way, park too near, or park in front of your house.

9) You drive like 车神, leaving your car 1cm away from the butt of the car in front of you to avoid people cutting into your lane while waiting at the traffic lights.

10) You laugh when you listen to jokes spoken in Hokkien.

Help me update.

Everything Men Know About Women

I saw this in Ah Sin's facebook...




This is damn right...

Perak State GOVERNMENTs

In Perak, we have TWO Menteri Besars.




Other than that, we have TWO speakers as well.



Hence, we have TWO state governments.

But how should we settle with it? We cannot have two governments running at the same time. There's only one state government office in Perak.




Maybe they can split the office hour.

But this is not fair to Pakatan Rakyat, they have to work for longer hour.

Or maybe they should assign her as the Menteri Besar.




I'm sure she is capable for the assignment. Don't forget she has a special weapon; USB thumb drive integrated with pepper spray!

Perhaps they can also follow the way how the mafias in Hong Kong doing. Like how the movie "Election" & "Election 2" showing.

Worse come to worse, they can split Perak to two and ruled by two governments.




One with its name remained as "Perak", while the other one maybe as "Petak", "Perack", "Pelak" or whatever.

We need to have two capitals as well, one remained as "Ipoh", the other one as "IIpoh", "Epoh", "Iboh" or whatever.

In that case, we have to update our Geography text book, country map, area code of telephony system, IC no. , road sign, address......

Sounds very complicated. But comparing to dissolving the State of Assembly for election, it's FAR MOOOOOORE easy...

Don't you agree, Mr. Najis?