Penang Drivers Vol. 3

No matter what you do, they still want to park their cars near the entrance, because they don't have legs to walk...

Penang lang really jialat!

Tough Week

This week is a tough week. Our Field Sales team escalated customer issue to the Marketing team.

Customer -> Field Sales -> Marketing

Then Marketing escalated to R&D team.

Customer -> Field Sales -> Marketing -> R&D

The "Fire" heated up until Division Head level.

Customer -> Field Sales -> Marketing -> R&D -> Division Head

Like the Australia fires, bigger and bigger.




Then Division Head told our R&D big boss,

"Send our people there to verify the samples if needed."

So I'll be going to Shenzhen again next week. But I'm not going to meet any SIA air stewardess with push-up bras anymore.

Coz I'm flying with Cathay Pacific. I'm not sure whether their air stewardess wearing any push-up bras, I hope they doesn't wear bras at all are pretty also.

End up I'm the only one who's going to save the fire...

God please help me!

Flowcharts

Follow this flowchart if your girlfriend ask you whether she's pretty.

But make sure your face is as confident as Obama when you answer.

Follow STRICTLY to this flowchart if your girlfriend ask you whether she's fat.

Even if she has already became like her...

Because she doesn't want you to tell her the truth, she just want you to tell her what she wants to listen.

However, there are some cases that no matter what you say will still give the same result.

Then the only way to get out of it is to hang your system.

Teleconference

Sometimes it's funny to listen to the conversation of people having teleconference in office.

When they call local or internal people for discussion, they'll speak in Hokkien:

A:" Ei! wa ai ga lu discuss jit eh ar."
B:" Discuss har mit? Data ng si send hor lu liao meh?"

When they call overseas to Americans, they'll speak in English:

A:" Hi Jason! I would like to discuss the data with you now. Can you turn to slide seven?

Instantaneously switch to broken American accents.


When they call to Europeans such as British, they'll still speak in English:

A:" Hi Andrew! I would like to discuss the data with you now. Can you turn to slide seven?

But still use broken American accents, instead of British.

Then, when they call to Japanese, my old boss who spend several years in Japan will try to show off his fluent Japanese:

Old Boss:" watashiwa xxx xxx xxxdesu xxxx xxxx desukah... blar blar"

But if you do not speak Japanese, then you have to be patience with their crappy English and try to imitate them.

This is my personal experience:

Yoshida-san:" Pin eighto?"
Me:" Yes, pin eighto of the testo boardo."

When my colleague speaks to Taiwanese supplier, she thought they speak the same kind of Hokkien like ours:

Miss HC:" So, 你要keep我in the loop pun..."

FYI, pun is Malay okay?


Another colleague tried to ask our Taiwanese supplier about the tolerance of their product package dimension:

Loke:"你们的 package height 加减多少?"
Supplier:"我们的东西没有偷功减料的!"

But the funniest thing would be listening to the conversation between my boss and our Chinese supplier with his Mandarin cum broken American accents:

Boss:" 请你 arrange engineer to help build sample to check 那个test data 的 accuracy 和 tester repeatability..."

Boss, don't force yourself lar... if you really forgot how to speak Mandarin, just speak English lar...

Bad Name

If your surname is Tan, try not to name your son Nelson. Because...

Nelson Tan = 鸟生蛋

Don't use Michael Tan too. Because...

Michael Tan = 卖鸡蛋

Don't use Leonard Tan as well. Because...

Leonard Tan = 两粒蛋

Same concept applies if you're from Chang's family...

Leonard Chang = 两粒橙

Most importantly! If your surname is 徐, don't name your daughter as 徐白玲, because her English name will end up as...

Chee Bai Ling

Cannot lar... cannot show the rest of this photo liao...

Quote Of The Day - If You...

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home;
When you go back to home, she'll give you a broom.

If you give her jewelry, she'll say "Diamond only";
When you ask "One only?", she'll tell you "Annually".

If you give her sub-card, she'll give you a bill;
When you look at the bill, your face will look ill.

If you give her money, she'll put into FD;
When you look at the FD, written her name only.

If you give her time, she'll make-up her eye;
When you look at the time, it's already at night.

If you show up late, she'll cancel the date;
When you turn up early, you'll wait until you're dead.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby;
When she gives you the baby, she'll ask for a nanny.

If you ask her to marry, she'll say "Give me money";
When you say don't have money, she'll tell you "I'm sorry".

Feng Shui House

Don't play play! Lilian Too certified one, 座北向南 some more.

AirAsia Is A Cash Sucker Again

This is how AirAsia suck your cash.

First you have to book your air ticket.




Then you have to pay before you can check-in your luggage.




After that, you pay to Que-up.




When you're on-board, they "Snack Attack" you.




By selling you ridiculously expensive coffee.




Now they even want you to pay to get a seat.



So what's next?




You gotta pay before you pee...

Gifts For Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is around the corner, if your girlfriend ask you to buy her...

a diamond because "A Diamond Is Forever."


Tell her:

"You do not need a diamond when you already have me forever."

Saves you at least 1,000 bucks.


If she ask you to buy Tiffany's jewelry for her.


Tell her:

"You're already a perfect woman. You don't need any jewelry to enhance your beauty."

Saves you another 1,000 bucks.


If she ask you to buy a Guess watch for her.

Tell her:

" I'll be with you every second in your life to tell you the time. "

Saves you at least 300 bucks.


If she ask you to buy a Prada handbag for her.


Tell her:

" I'll be at your side to carry all the burden for you. "

Saves you another 500 bucks.


If she ask you to buy LG Prada hand phone as counter offer.



Tell her:

" I'm already beside you before you call me."

Saves you 1,000 bucks.

If she tell you she don't want anything from you, she just want to go to somewhere to relax with you,

Tell her:

"Everywhere is the same as long as we're together."

Saves you at least 5 - 10k.


If she tell you at least must buy her flowers with pissed-off-tone!



Tell her:

"Flowers will die. But my love for you will never!"

I hope you still have your girlfriend by then...

Electionauctionism

This is how the election system in our country works.

First, during the election campaign, all the political parties will put up banners, flags and posters around the country to attract voters' attention.




Then, they will hold talks and forums to condemn each other.






If all these above are not so effective, they will start bidding for the voters' votes.






Despite all these efforts, sometimes they still lose in the election.




No problem, when that happens, they will reclaim the power by buying back the "players" when the "transfer window" opens.






Like buying players from football clubs...








Welcome to the new political ideology...

Electionauctionism

Let's start saving money before the next electionauction comes!

You Jump! I Jump!

This is a song dedicated from "jumped" Pakatan Rakyat reps Jamaluddin and Mohd Osman to the State Government of Perak.

My Heart Will Go On - Pakatan Rakyat version

Click on the link below to download the flash. Unzip and double click on "myalbum3.html" to run.

http://www.4shared.com/file/84679942/ea9252f3/myalbum3.html

Lyrics recap

Every night on my screen
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
and spaces between us
You have not let cell phone turn on.

Near, Far,
wherever you are,
I believe that the deal does go on.

Once more, they opened the door
And we're here in Ba-ri-san,
Ba-ri-san go on and on.

Fifty million is mine
and last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone.

P-K-R I loved you,
one true time but no more
In my life we'll always go on.

Near, far,
wherever you are,
I wish Anwar Ibrahim so long.

Once more, you see us no more
And you're shit in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.

You're here, there's nothing we fear
Even if you show resign letter
We'll stay, B-N all the way
You are shit in my heart and my heart will go on and on.

My dear Din-Din:

You jump! I jump!

Your Man-Man

The Best Wishes I Have Ever Received!

I have received a lot of SMS during Chinese new year from friends wishing me for a happy CNY. I appreciate them for having remember to send me wishes during this special festival.

However, most of them looked so typical and alike, consisting same kind of words.

Such as the ox and prosperity version...

The graphical version...

Changed a bit of wording...




But at last I received something considered to be the most original and creative wishes, from my good friend Ah Sin...




So before the new year celebration ends, my mandarin orange would like to wish you all...



May everyone smile all year like it!